Recent Parental Crimes

Everyone says, “oh, she’s in her Terrible Two’s” or, “oh no, it’s the 3’s that are really terrible”, but I’ll tell you something: it’s really the late 30’s that are the naughtiest. Case in point: my parents.

Here are some things I’ve yelled at them for recently:

1. They didn’t give me ANYTHING in my car seat. And that’s what I said, outraged, “But Mama, you didn’t give me ANYTHING!”. No purse, no water bottle, no slinky, no jewelry. Seriously?

2. Dada put my eggs on the cupcake plate when I had specifically taken out my white plate for the eggs.

3. Mama wouldn’t tell Duke to stop talking while I was talking even though he was talking while I was talking.

4. They wouldn’t let me bring my purse(s) in the car, just because it was taking me upwards of 15 minutes to pack them. I don’t see Mama packing her bags that quickly, just sayin’.

5. They wouldn’t give me some “special treat” they had alluded to, just because I had 2 temper tantrums in the span of 3 minutes. Even after I cried, “But I want the special treat!”, touching Dada with my foot for emphasis.

6. They wouldn’t let me listen to my songs in the car. I like to listen to the same songs every day, over and over and over and over. I don’t see why this is so difficult for them to do.

7. Not looking at me when I very clearly yelled “Look at me!” for the 20th time.

8. Putting my toothpaste on my toothbrush when I obviously wanted to do it. Conversely, not putting toothpaste on my toothbrush when it was so clear I wanted them to. It’s not that hard, people.

9. Trying to get me to wear a long sleeve shirt and pants just because it’s “cold” out. I’ll say when it’s cold out, when I’m crying in the car.

Anyway, they’re not bad people. They’re just going through a really difficult stage. I hope they grow out of it soon. In the meantime, I”ll try to deal with it with the techniques that have been working so far, namely yelling, “You’re not my friend!”, throwing myself on the ground, and screaming crying. I’m sure they’ll come around eventually.

-Bert

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