Mulan & The Bug Squad

Here’s a book I read to my parents and Duke in the car this morning. It’s a very loosely paraphrased version of Mulan.


Mulan was a girl. She wished she’d never been born. She saw a dragon! She sat on a speckled log; she saw a frog.
“Mulan!!!!!!!!”
“I want my mom”, she said. “Mulan”, she said, “You said you were gonna come wait for me on a horse.” “I did!”, she said, “I just didn’t have time.”
She gave her mom a big hug. “I love you, but I’m gonna go away with you.”
The end.

– Bert

Meet The Guys

Mr.Bear

Isn’t he wonderful? Mr. Bear came with me to my first dentist appointment, where I learned I’m supposed to floss. Yep, three year olds are supposed to floss. Is that hilarious? Because Mama seemed to think so. Anyway, Mr. Bear is one of the four friendos that sleep in my bed every night.

Charles Nelson Rabbit

Dada named Charles Nelson Rabbit. CNR is one of the four, too.

Baby Shadow

Baby Shadow also sleeps in my bed every night, as pictured. (Those are my rainbow sheets!) I wanted to name Duke Baby Shadow, but nooooo, Mama and Dada insisted upon George. I did tell everyone at school that my new baby brother’s name was Shadow, which apparently was “so embarrassing” to Mama. So anyway, I named Baby Shadow Baby Shadow, because he showed up around the same time as George. Mama said it was unnecessary to also sleep with Baby Shadow every night because I already have Mr. Bear and Charles Nelson Rabbit, but I already compromised on Duke’s name, so enough is enough.

Happy

Happy was a gift from my Uncle Marco, Auntie Jamie and cousin Cassidy. I insist upon sleeping with her, too, because I like to push it. There she is in front of my wall mural which I AM NOT TO PULL OFF FOR ANY REASON! Jeez, you pull one leaf off that your parents painstakingly applied for 3000 hours and you never hear the end of it.

Purple Baby

Purple Baby will not steal your soul, despite what Mama’s always blathering on about.

Tissue

Beatz is Mama’s dog; Tissue is mine. Some days I take him on multiple walks to the grocery store, CVS, the beach, and the street fair. Sometimes I forget about him for weeks on end though. Sorry, Tissue!

Sweet Pea

Sweet Pea has a pea pod that she sleeps in, like all babies do. Despite this, I like to make Mama wrap her in blankets. Sweet Pea likes to sleep wrapped up in multiple blankets that obscure her entire head, again, like all babies do. Sometimes I bring Sweet Pea in the car on the way to school. Then I ask Dada to bring her into work so she won’t be lonely and then we have a big discussion about whether or not he brought her in. “You didn’t bring her in, Dada. She’s in the same place she was this morning!” “I just put her right back in the same place – that’s where she likes to sit!”

Axl Baby

Axl Baby, it’s October, you jerkster! Oops, I’m not supposed to say jerkster anymore. Pretend I said jokester.

Red Sox Baby

Red Sox Baby, you are a constant disappointment. At least that’s what Dada says.

– Bert