Kelly E and I both like fashion, boys, and sticking out our tongues in photos, so I guess I’m cool with her saying we’re Best Friends.
This week on the show, she asks, “How do I know if a boy really likes me?” Cher says it’s in his kiss, Whitney says don’t trust your feeling. Here’s my take.
Spoiler alert: I’m 3 1/2.
-Bert
Sorry, Friend of the Show, Joseph H, but it’s not you.
I know I’ve previously talked about my jobs as a store owner (we primarily sell magnetic numbers, plastic food, and babies) and restauranteur (signature dish: rocks), but what I haven’t mentioned is that I also have the Best Job In The World. I won’t give away what it is.
– Bert
Mama says Duke will be my best friend forever, and I say we’re the best friends in all the world! This is true until Duke tries to take something of mine and then I will put my face in his until he hits me and then cry to everyone about how Duke hit me. Anyway, here are a few things we like to do together:
Reading. I can read letters and I like books about princesses. Duke likes his book about the three counting kittens and likes to point out the spider. He also likes whatever book I’m reading and crying that he’s not currently reading it. Here, we are both pretending to know how to read.
Cooking in our kitchen, sometimes while holding our guys. My guy is named Mr. Bear; Duke’s guy is named Baby (all his guys are named Baby). We cook sushi soup, pancakes, and eggs. We do not have a sous chef or a bus boy or anyone who cleans up the kitchen.
Riding the choo choo train. Just kidding, Duke hates this.
Helping get Duke ready.
Sharing. Just kidding, I don’t usually like sharing. (I picked out Duke’s outfit here!)
Riding our box car to New York City!
Reading in Duke’s bed.
What do you do with your best friend in the whole world?
– Bert
Super Fan: Baby/Arthur
People have been throwing around the words “prodigy” and “rock star”, but I’m just a kid who likes to drum. In perfect rhythm. At the age of 17 months. I’m sorry I don’t have a “talk show” and I can’t “stop drooling” and I haven’t learned “complete sentences” besides “bye bye, Mama” or “cheese now!”. I bet you didn’t know how to drum like this before you were out of diapers, unless you’re Tommy Lee, in which case, “hi, Tommy Lee! Call me on my banana phone.”
– Duke
Marker Pants
This will be even more special than when Punky Brewster said no to grass or when DJ went on that crash diet before Kimmy’s pool party. Why? Because it’s sponsored by my extremely awesome and one-in-a-two-million friend, Sienna. So, make sure you watch to the very end so you get all the specialness.
If you forgot to write down the name of Sienna’s Flower Garden page, here it is.
And, in case you were wondering:
buckle my shoe dress (See? You have one already, Sienna.)
phone boots
car socks (available in hearts or stars; you should wear hearts)
– Bert
