Two, A Retrospective

Does this suit/diaper combo make my butt look big?

Does this suit/diaper combo make my butt look big?


It’s my birthday today. (And my penis’ birthday, as I mentioned to Mama this morning.) I’m only 2, but I’ve done a ton of stuff in my two years. Here is just a sampling of them, not necessarily in chronological order:

  • dominated at least 5 bounce houses
  • said “I love you” to important people in my life (Mama, Dada, Hazybert, Beatzie Boo, Auntie Dita, Grammy, Oma, Opa, Cheryl, RyRy, Sean-O, Uncle Marco, Pooh Bear, Baby Arthur, Ralph the giraffe)
  • Ate 3 1/2 hot dogs in one sitting
  • Clapped in my sleep after Mama said she loved me
  • Danced
  • Rocked a tutu at Applebee’s
  • Played the bongos
  • Raced my second cousin
  • Charmed my great-grandmother, Nana
  • Ate an ink pad
  • Went to New York
  • Went to Canada
  • Discovered I like broccoli
  • Discovered I don’t like lemons
  • Got officially proclaimed a “genius” by my doctor
  • Gave myself the nickname “Gigi”
  • Fell in love with Abby, my music teacher
  • Refused to talk to Abby, my music teacher
  • Learned to say “excuse me” when prompted
  • Learned to say, “Gigi tooted” without being prompted
  • Changed my favorite book from “Kittens” to “Pigeons” (Good Night Moon)
  • Ate more apples (5) than I picked at apple picking
  • Had my own cooking show
  • Became Bert’s raison d’etre
  • Here’s a quick little run (the only way I travel) down Memory Lane. It’s been a good life so far.

    – Duke

2 thoughts on “Two, A Retrospective

  1. Told auntie I want donuts and I don’t like this song as we drove to football. ( song was Elvis blue suede shoes) played cars for hours and said bless you uncle matt after he sneezed. We live George moments

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