That is to say, Mama took her sweet time editing my 8-year old interview. But nonetheless, I did indeed turn 8.

Lots of big changes this year [caution: spoilers] vs my 7-year old video:

• Last year’s best friend (Mama) didn’t even make the top 4 this year. I’m pretty sure she took so long to edit this video out of protest.
• Marriage is off the table.
• Life went from a 5,000 on a 1-10 scale to a 2. Sorry, but times are tough when you’re a crab with a mic-hog for a brother.

Some things never change though. I’m still rocking out to Under The Sea (shoutout to my hot crustacean band!) and someone (cough, cough, Georgie) keeps trying to steal the spotlight, perhaps in retaliation for this video.

See what else is new in the full interview video:

If you want to reminisce (and believe me, you do), here’s what I was like when I was really little but thought I was big, when I had arguably better taste in music, or when I had decidedly worse taste in jokes.

Special thanks again to Mama’s friend Alyson, who had the idea to interview me every year on (around) my birthday.

1. I like to wear things on my head (underwear, a colander, my Spiderman ski mask in 60-degree weather), but I prefer not to wear pants.
2. I want to be a pilot or a chef when I grow up. If I become a chef, my restaurant will be called Mr. Bum Bum Head.
   

   You don’t want to know what’s on the menu at MBBH.

3. I love fruit and can eat unlimited amounts of it. I once ate three peaches, a plum, and a quart of strawberries before 11 am. The only vegetable I really like is cucumber, which is… a fruit.
4. I talk or sing to myself every night for about an hour before going to sleep. I hope someone’s enjoying my Bohemian Rhapsody on the baby monitor.
5. People say I look just like my dad, but I don’t know.
   

   I’m the one in the back.

6. I love my Mama and I tell her so all the time. Sometimes I also fall in love with other people, like the lady on the T platform whom I told, “Guess what? I love you.” I never did get her number.
7. I can tell the difference between the orange line and the commuter rail by the sound they make.
8. I LOVE BUBBLES like you wouldn’t believe.
   

   Oh my god, BUBBLES!!!!!

9. I also love school, after-school, mac & cheese, LEGOs, trains, gum, doggies, walkie talkies, baths, trampolines, bounce houses, ice cream, and cleaning toilets. I would clean the toilets every day if Mama would let me.
10. I worship my big sister.
    

    I mean, how cool is she?

11. I don’t like pizza, but I love cheese, especially shredder cheddar. On average, cheese is a part of at least two meals a day for me.
12. I’ll always tell you the truth. Just the other day, I told mama and her friends that they didn’t look very good.
13. I can hula hoop like a boss.
14. I can ride my scooter for 1-2 blocks before crying about how I hate my scooter and scootering.
15. I’m up for anything. If you tell me to pull a snowy branch over my head, I’ll pull that branch. If you tell me to try Opa’s “special ketchup”, I’ll try it. If you tell me to walk more than a quarter mile, I’ll whine until you break.
16. I am the happiest guy you know.
17. I’m also the messiest guy you know.
    

    There was a puddle.

18.  My catchphrases include, “No, really…” (even if no one’s disputing what I said), “First of all…” (there’s never a second of all), and “I had a blast!”
19. I’m a creature of habit. I like to read the same book every night (The Gingerbread Man Loose in the School), eat the same breakfast every day (yogurt with berries and a side of shredder cheddar), and listen to the same songs over and over (Shut Up and Dance, Can’t Stop the Feeling, Uptown Funk).
    

    On your birthday, you get two kinds of yogurt with berries!

20. I can build a train station out of almost anything.
21. I can’t blow my nose.
22. I was named after my paternal grandfather (George) and my maternal great-grandfather (Tse Fu). I was Duke for a little while, but it didn’t stick. Hazy came up with Georgie Burgles and it did. I also go by G$, Gigi, Georgie and Jeege.
23. I like having Bros’ Night with my dad.
24. I have strange obsessions, like this cupcake-shaped kitchen timer that I got at Boomerang’s. Dada broke it (by accident), and I ask him all the time to find me a new one. Also, I don’t like it when you don’t put the cap back on things.
    

    If you find this, I’ll give you all my money ($5.75) for it.

25. First of all, I had a blast today. No, really!

Special bonus fun facts are in my 5-year interview video below:

This is the third video in this series. You can compare my answers at age 4 and age 3.

– Duke

There are a lot of great fathers out there, but we’ve got a clear favorite: he’s the seven time winner of #1 Dad, the World’s Best Farter & Father, our very own…DADA!

We got the band back together (literally) for one last time, Dada, to perform our new hit single, Farter’s Day. Happy Farter’s, we mean, Father’s Day, Dada.

xoxo,

Hazelbert (Bert) & Georgie Burgles (Duke)

I’m so old, I didn’t even have a bounce house party this year. I had a spy party, and my secret agent name was Chief Agent and Georgie’s was Agent Junior and we talked on walkie talkies and saved Princess BooBooButt’s royal jewels.

Here’s some other stuff that I do now that I’m 7:

• I read chapter books, like Stink and the Incredible Super-Galactic Jawbreaker.
• I play on a big kid soccer team with real games and everything, and I take it pretty seriously, unlike some people (cough, cough, Navy Blueberries).
• I’m more sensible now. That’s why I want to be an accountant (thanks, Game of Life!) instead of a lion.
• I chew gum, but very, very quietly because Mama has misophonia.
• I’ve got a better toy than dada now.
• I have a job and I make $7/week (I got a raise!).
• I grumble about my job a lot, mostly the bathroom cleaning part and the table setting part.
• My life may not be a consistent 10 out of 10 anymore, instead it ranges from -55 to 18,000-million.

For more, see my latest video:

Guys, it’s been a while since the highly anticipated Season 2 launch of Ask Hazy. We’ve been in production on new episodes for quite a bit, and I think this one is timely. I’ll cut to the chase: I’d make a great president.

You can learn more about my platform in Episode 2: President Hazy.

-Bert

Mama asked if we had any New Year’s resolutions; we said no. Then she asked if we knew what resolutions meant; we said no. Now we know and we made some.

Hazy:

1. I want to learn how to ride my bike without training wheels.

Imagine these training wheels weren’t here. Pretty cool, right?

2. I also want to ride the city bus to school. Mama says I’ve already done this, but these are my resolutions and this is our blog, so FACE.

George:

1. I want to learn to draw.

I mean, I can draw, but maybe could do better. (These are smiley faces.)

2. I also want to learn to rip pages out of coloring books, which sounds oddly specific but we were in the car at the time and I had just demonstrated my complete lack of skill at ripping pages out of coloring books, so yeah.

Mama also suggested some other resolutions for us, namely being nicer to each other and trying more new foods, but we’ll stick to the above. Thanks anyway, Mama.

Happy New Year, everybody!

-Bert & Duke

Do you remember what it was like when you were 4? I do, because I am. It’s a pretty exciting age, because you can do EVERYTHING yourself, including PUTTING ON YOUR OWN TOOTHPASTE, GETTING YOUR OWN WATER OUT OF THE FRIDGE DISPENSER, USING A KNIFE, and yelling at your parents about how you can indeed do all these things BY YOURSELF. Also, I can read, or a tleast fake it really, really well based on the powers of memorization and train passion.

Here’s where I tell you everything you need to know about my life: 

In case you wondered, this is what little 3-year old me had to say about similar topics. And here’s what Bert was like when she was 4.

-George (Duke), Age 4