Disney Princess Round Up

As our parents have reminded us 989 times in the last week, we are very, very lucky kids. We got to go to one of our favorite places last week: Disney! We met almost all the princesses, and here are our reviews.

Bert: Tangled is one of my favorite movies. This lady does not look that much like Rapunzel. Mama says she looks like Lori from That 70’s Show, whoever she is and whatever that is.

Duke: Meh.

Bert: Is it just me, or does Cinderella look more excited to see me than I am to see her?

Duke: Yup.

Bert: Technically, we did not get to meet Anna and Elsa but everyone knows they are SIMPLY THE BEST PRINCESSES OF ALL TIME!
Duke: OF ALL TIME! Wait, except for Ariel.

Duke: Ariel is my favorite. She’s got, like, 20 thingamabobs.
Bert: I thought she was Merida.

Bert: We like Belle.
Duke: Belle is nice.

Bert: Mama found out that even the French people in French Epcot are snobby like French people in real France. So, it took her a lot of cajoling to get us this picture with Aurora. (DO NOT call her Rapunzel for even a split second like Mama did, because those French people will get tres, how do you say, uppity.) She was alright.
Duke: I like Thomas the Train!

Bert: Daisy Duck might not technically be a princess, but she’s royalty in our book.
Duke: Daisy!

Who’s your favorite Disney Princess?

– Bert & Duke

Good Days, Bad Days

I’m a happy guy, like 90% of the time.
See what I mean?

The other 10% of the time, I just woke up, and it’s either 7 am and I want to sleep more, or it’s 3 am and I want cookies/apple cake/donuts/cheese and Mama won’t let me have them.
Then it plays out kinda like this:

Okay, maybe 80% of the time, because things escalate quickly when I can’t open a bag or my water bottle or Bert takes up too much of the tooth-brushing stool.

Are you a morning person?
– Duke

p.s. I turned 3. I’m gonna do an interview and share it soon. Stay tuned.

How To Break Your Parents

Be fairly well-behaved for 35-65 months. This is a long con; you have to be patient.

Wait until you’re all in one hotel room.

Step 1: get the giggles at bedtime.              DSC_0483

Step 2: Ignore their stern admonishments. Continue to giggle and play.DSC_0482

Step 3: Pretend to listen just long enough that they get in their bed. Then start giggling again.                                                        DSC_0481

Step 4: Ignore good cop/bad cop act. Ignore bribes. Ignore threats of no ice cream, no more pool, long naps, child labor, no more donuts, no more vacations. DSC_0480

Repeat for next 2-3 hours.

– Bert & Duke

Secret Language

Did you know Bert and I have a secret language? Did you also know that I do everything Bert does? If Bert drops her fork, I drop my fork. If Bert farts and then says, “I tooted”, I’ll fart and say, “I tooted”. If Bert takes her sunglasses out of her purse, puts them on and starts singing, “I’m so cool”, I’ll take my sunglasses out of my murse, put them on and start singing, “I’m so cool”. If Bert eats her carrot sticks, I say, “I’m eating my carrot sticks!” but I don’t eat them. What? I have to draw the line somewhere.

Anyway, here we are speaking our secret language:

– Duke

How To Ride On A Plane

I love airplanes! When I see them in the sky, I get really excited and yell, “Airplane!”. So, you can imagine my excitement when Mama told me I was gonna get to fly in the sky in an airplane. Bert and I recently went to visit our Nana and Auntie Juju in CANADA (pictures to follow), which was awesome. Our flight to CANADA was about an hour and 20 minutes. Here’s what you’re supposed to do on the plane, or at least, here’s what I did:

• Wear your own (bumblebee) backpack and wheel your own (camo, monogrammed) suitcase like a boss.
• Sit next to the window and open the shade.
• Close the shade – loudly.
• Whine about the shade being closed.
• Yell, “I open it!” when your mama opens it for you.
• Open the shade.
• Close the shade.
• Repeat 8 times until Mama says, “no more opening and closing the shade! Pick one!”
• Open the shade.
• Insist on BUCKLING YOURSELF even though you can’t buckle yourself.
• Cry.
• See panicked look on Mama’s face.
• Cry-scream.
• Sink down into seat so seatbelt is around your neck, yelling, “I don’t want this!”
• Attempt to knock down Mama’s wine that Dada has ordered for her at 10 am.
• Cry-scream like you’ve never cry-screamed before. Yell, “I WANT TO GET UP!” and “DON’T WANT THIS SEAT BELT!”.
• Increase volume as Mama repositions you in seat and rebuckles seatbelt.
• When flight attendant walks by, unbuckle seat belt and slide off of seat.
• Cry-scream louder, drowning out your mama’s apologies to surrounding passengers.
• Pass out, exhausted from cry-screaming.
• Wake up as the pilot announces we’re beginning our initial departure and recommence cry-screaming.
• Sniffle and hiccup as everyone departs plane, and then announce the obvious, “I didn’t like that.”

It’s as easy as that! Let me know if you have any questions.
– Duke

What We Did On Our Summer Vacation


Here’s just a small taste:

  • Made friends with Micki, who is sweet and smiley and pretty good at sand castles
  • Met Lynnie, who spoils us rotten. Hooray for Lynnie!
  • Buried our new friend Micki, which isn’t as bad as it sounds.
  • Went down a sand slide.
  • Pouted.
  • Seriously, this Micki girl is pretty fun, guys.
  • Discovered this bucket.
  • Loaded 16 tons of ocean water.
  • Attempted a mild summer romance with Micki.
  • Made a hand-holding move on Micki.
  • Got rejected by Micki.
  • Put feet in the ocean with Mama.
  • Made a hand-holding move on Jyll, was not rejected.
  • Pulled a Zoolander with Micki and the Singtrix machine. The files are in there somewhere!
  • Dominated the Singtrix stage.
  • Watched Teela & Mama “sing”/drink margaritas.
  • Watched Bryan play coffee shop.
  • Took a Madonna-singing class from Teela.
  • Attempted to reunite Fart Machine, but infighting broke us up (again).
  • Skipped stones with Dada.
  • Held hands with Mama (take that, Micki!)
  • Watched Dada and his friends recreate the beginning of 90210.
  • What’s 90210?
  • Looked for treasures with Grandma Lynn and Micki.
  • Ran in super slow motion, Baywatch style.
  • Watch and learn, Hasselhoff.
  • Pioneered new beach fashion.
  • Did a dual ocean pee.
  • Enjoyed the view.
  • Held each other’s hand.

Not pictured:

  • Built 100 magnatile homes.
  • Cried when Micki ruined 99 magnatile homes.
  • Ate tons of mac & cheese.

Many many thanks to Lynnie, who put up with all our hijinks and hosted us at her totally awesome house on the totally beautiful beach where we would like to spend all our days.

– Bert & Duke

I’m now 5 1/6 years old.

So, without further ado, here are some pictures from my third consecutive Bounce House Extravaganza Birthday Party. The Big 0-5. Frozen Edition.

If you want to watch my Official 5-Year Old Interview, click here.


– Bert