Books for Baby A

We’re meeting a new baby friend this weekend! His name’s Baby A and he’s less than one year old, so that’s like being zero years old. We picked out some of our favorite old baby books to give to him.


Duke’s favorite: Good Night Moon
I used to call this “Pigeons”; I never told anyone why. Mama asked why it was my favorite; I said, “I love when…I don’t know, I just love it.” Mama does not love it, and she cites the creepy old bunny lady as reason #1. – Duke

Bert’s favorite: Blue Hat, Green Hat
“Because it’s so silly” – Bert

Other commentary:
Yum Yum Dim Sum:
“Baby A might not like it when he’s a baby, but he might like it when he grows up.” – Bert

Quiet Loud:
“Will this book be too loud for Baby A?” – Mama
“Yes” – Duke
“Maybe his mom can do a whisper for quiet and her regular voice for loud.” – Bert

No No Yes Yes:
“What will Baby A learn from this book?” – Mama
“To draw on the walls.” – Bert (you’re welcome, Baby A’s parents)

The Going To Bed Book:
“This book is called The Going To Bed Book, do you think it will help Baby A sleep better?” – Mama
“Yes!” – Bert and Duke (Hope this makes up for the drawing on the walls.)

Welcome to the wonderful world of reading, Baby A!

– Bert & Duke

I am 6.

It seems like just a couple of weeks ago that I was a little 5-year old. Now, I’m 6. I know God is a wizard, pasta is delicious, and marriage is overrated, even if you really like staring at a boy named Julian every single day at recess. Every day, I tell Mama about how I stared at Julian. She asks if it’s a game, or if it bothers Julian, but she doesn’t understand, that that’s just a thing I do. I know that making the world a better place is as simple as making fake ladybugs and hanging them in the sky, that someone needs to teach little kids how to paint inside the lines and that someone is me, and that everything is awesome, including the song Everything Is Awesome.

Let me expound a bit:

To see how much I’ve grown, here’s last year’s video, the year before, and God how long have I been doing this, the year before that.

But you’re never too old for a bounce house party, and here are a few shots from mine.

God, imagine how much I’ll know when I’m 7!

– Bert

Ask Hazy: Season 2 opener!

I know you’ve waited for over a year for a new episode. So, we’ve rewarded you with a whole new season! So much has changed! Namely, I’m over a year older and also I announce the show title. If you have a question you’d like covered in season 2, please leave it in the comments section of this post. We don’t get a lot of comments and we’re starting to take it personally.

– Bert

#TBT Bert & Duke, Pretend Twins

Hey guys,
What if we were twins? What if, instead of being 2 1/2 years apart, we were exactly the same age? How awesome would that be?

Here’s a glimpse of what we looked like at the same ages.

Month 1: sleeping, crying, drooling

Month 2: even more sleeping, crying, drooling

Month 3: lots of smiling! even more drooling

Month 4: do babies do anything besides cry, sleep, and drool? Not these babies!

Month 5: Hey, that’s a cupcake?!

Month 6: Man, we were cute kids.

Month 7: Sitting still is for infants.

Month 8: You’re gonna have to be quicker than that if you don’t want us to get that cupcake.

Month 9: Cupcake/sign, we’ll eat it all.

Month 10: Think only newborns drool? Think again.

Month 11: Mama’s funny with her attempts at cupcake/sign preservation.

1 year olds: Well, that was easy, right, Mama & Dada?

2 year olds: Finally, we get some cake around here.

3 year olds: “Threenagers”? We don’t know what you’re talking about.

Here’s to many, many more.
– Bert & Duke

Welcome to The Show

What’s The Show, you ask? It’s a performance Duke and I put on pretty much anytime we’re in the Toy Pit for over an hour. The Show involves a lot of prep (costume design, ticket design and construction, ticket line construction, fighting over who gets to cut the tickets and who gets to give them out/collect them, announcing The Show). After our standard announcement, “Ladies & gentleman! Boys & girls of all ages!”, the actual Show usually then takes about 10 seconds, until we realize we have no actual performance prepared. But this last snow day, The Show really came together.
I think the key was having Duke run front-of-house/ticket management and also being somewhat loosy-goosy with the props. A Batman cape? Sure! A jumprope? Alright! A book? Why not? Ball? Toy dog? Pencil? Yes, yes and yes.
See for yourself:

Special thanks to our VIP guests, JD and Victoria. You were a great audience.

Also, I don’t care what Mama says, tights are totally pants.

– Bert

An Open (Video) Letter to the Thomas & Friends Underwear Designers

Dear Thomas & Friends Underwear Designers,

I love your underwear; I really do. But sometimes, say, once a week or so, they drive me to tears. The problem is quite simple. WHY IS THOMAS ON THE BACK? Do you get that I can’t see Thomas once I put on the undies? I. Can’t. See. Him. God, I hope I don’t start crying again right now. Anyway, my Mama helped me make this video. I hope you will reconsider your design. And please don’t give me some willy-nilly excuse about the bum of the undies having more fabric than the front. I have no idea what you’re talking about.

Please watch:

Good day,
– Duke