I’m 12 (and a 1/4)!

Another year of tweendom, another year in this pandemic. Sigh. This was my second year missing out on a real birthday party and believe you me, I am saving up all my party karma for an epic double birthday bash the second this trash pandemic is over. We’re talking an epic dance-slumber-bounce house-sundae bar-baking party.

Hey, at least I got a strawberry roll.

I still turned a year older, and you know what that means, it’s annual interview time. I indulged my mom with this interview even though it’s totally embarrassing and I hate the sound of my own voice.

I do it for posterity.

I guess I’ve grown since my first annual interview:

Here’s a snapshot of me at age 12:

I love my family: girls’ nights with my mom, making album covers (if not actual albums) with my dad, and cracking up with George (Duke). I try to do little acts of kindness for them all the time, like making my mom tea or bringing her snacks, helping my dad clean out the closet, and helping George settle down when he’s upset about something.

Speaking of family, I love my dogs and they love me. I’m in charge of feeding them dinner every night and making them pup-mobiles.

I love sports, especially soccer, tennis, hockey and snowboarding. I didn’t get much snowboarding done this year (thanks, Covid), but I played JP Youth Soccer on the Firefox team, play tennis with the Tenacity program, and got back into skills & drills this year with Brookline Hockey.

My hobbies include cooking, baking, and fashion. I integrate them into my businesses: Loop to Loop accessories and Sweet Tooth Bakery. (Prices available upon request.)

I also like hanging with my friends, drinking kid wine straight from the bottle, Maine life, activism and winning giant checks.

It was a rough school year. I didn’t go back to in-person school until pretty much my 12th birthday at the end of April, but I did crush it nonetheless, getting all A’s and A+’s the last two terms.

This year, I learned piano, got a second dog, and got to go to Maine for two awesome vacations. I ran home to get help when my dad got stung by an army of bees and took care of my mom and brother when he had to get triple bypass surgery. I made Chinese bao, my Oma’s famous strawberry roll, a classic New York cheesecake, and a really bad TNT cake for George. I spent basically an entire year hanging out with just my mom, dad and George. It was a crazy year and I’m ready to see what the next one brings.

Yours,

Hazel (Bert)

9: More Challenges, More Questions, Funner

Hey guys, guess who just turned 9? If you guessed George, G$ or Duke, you’re correct. If you were like, what? Weren’t you just a baby like a minute ago? You’re also correct.

What’s it like turning 9 during a pandemic? Let’s just say when my mom asked where I’d go if I could go anywhere in the world, I said, “Someplace without Corona.” Waaaa, waaaa. It’s not all bad news though. Here’s what I had to say about a few other things, including my favorite color (it’s a rollercoaster ride, peeps, strap in), my future career, and how great my life is (spoiler alert: really, really great).

Here’s a little snapshot of things I like, not necessarily in order*:

  1. My Mom
  2. My Dad
  3. Rosie (just kidding, Hazy, or am I?)
  4. Hazy
  5. Parmesan cheese
  6. Candy
  7. Minecraft
  8. Talking about Minecraft
  9. Roblox
  10. Pasta
  11. Hockey
  12. LEGOS
  13. Cuddles
  14. Shredded Cheddar Cheese
  15. Movie Night
  16. Playing “I love you,” “I love you more,” “I love you more more,” etc with Mom either via hand squeezes or verbally.
  17. Dunkin’ Donuts
  18. Recounting forgettable moments from movies and HISHE clips with, “Remember when…” a la Chris Farley.
  19. Playing games with my family (Uno, Connect Four & Monopoly)
  20. Ice Cream
  21. Koi (my friend’s guinea pig)
  22. Remote-controlled things
  23. Not wearing pants

Yours, George (Duke)

*if you’re a narc, but pretty much in order

p.s. Jennifer Waddell took those photos of me.

I’m officially a tween.

I guess I’m supposed to be rolling my eyes more now? To be honest, being 11 doesn’t feel that different than being 10. I still have the same best friends, favorite foods, and favorite movie. (This is an affront, btw, Rotten Tomatoes.) I don’t go around yelling, “I hate you! I wish I’d never been born!” to my mom* and I’m not embarrassed to hold either parent’s hand.

Of course, some things have changed. Here’s a breakdown, complete with visual aids.

Every year (except for when I was 4 and she was a total hot mess), my mom asks me how great my life is on a scale of 1-10. This year, I’m at a solid 8 3/4, but I guess I’ve had better years. Namely, when I was 7, but then again, I also said farting was the meaning of life at that age. Of course, I’ve also had worse. Let’s not even get into age 5 when life was “so bad” that it only rated a 1-2 by George’s estimates.

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Is it bad to peak at age 7? (chart not too scale)

My taste in music remains eclectic. I wonder how many other playlists include the Mickey Mouse Club and the Misfits?

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I’ve had a lot of career goals over the years. The most consistent ones are dentist and teacher, but I think worm still has real potential. It’d certainly be an easier life than cleaning lady or astronaut.

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Already checked “Big Kid” off the list.

Congrats to Wontons and Tofu & Rice for being 4-peat champions in my favorite foods category. download (3)

Not that much has happened since mom was embarrassingly late with my 10-year old update, unless you count being stranded with my family 24/7 due to COVID-19. (Mom and Dad are doing their best though.)  I’m really bummed about not being to play soccer or have a real birthday party, but other than that, not too much has changed.

I still had a pretty good birthday, all things considering.

Without further ado, here’s me at age 11:

I hope you enjoyed the special guest appearance by the second funniest person in our house.

Yours in tweendom,

Bert (Hazel)

 

*as of press time

8 is Great

Oh, hello. I didn’t see you there. It’s me, George (Duke). I’m 8 now. Yes, you read that correctly. You might remember me from such posts as Life as a 7-year Old (I’m the 7-year old) and Guess Who’s Six (spoiler alert, it was me). You probably can’t imagine, but I was once just a naive little kid.

How do I compare to Hazy when she was 8?

Anyway, here’s a little update on 8-year old me:

If you think I’ve grown out of my cheese addiction, 1) you clearly haven’t met my mother, and 2) you’re wrong. I eat shredder cheddar every day and I have almost made a grown man cry with that “tell me when to stop” game with the parmesan at restaurants.

I still like Titanic. I’m also experiencing a Star Wars renaissance. Attack of the Clones is the best Star Wars movie. Don’t @ me. My mom already tried the whole “the original trilogy is the best” thing and I disagree, mainly because I don’t know what she means by “original” or “trilogy.” The funniest movie I’ve ever seen is Jumangi: Welcome to the Jungle. The second funniest movie I’ve ever seen is Jumangi: The Next Level. Keep in mind, the bar was set by Paul Blart.

I’m super into hockey, soccer, baseball, and Gaga Ball, which has nothing to do with Lady Gaga except that both can get pretty intense. One time, I jammed a finger pretty bad! #badromance

I’m also really into reading. I read the Dog Man books by Dav Pilkey almost every day, and I’m working on reading the Harry Potter books. My mom and I have invented a dog version of Harry Potter (Dogwarts, of course) and we’re open to new character names besides Albus Doggledore and Rubeus Dogrid. I was pretty psyched to find out I’m a Gryffindor, especially with parents from Ravenclaw and Slytherin (you figure out which is which).

I enjoy jokes (especially puns and knock knocks), laughing, and the occasional cry. Mom said it’s okay to cry when you’re sad, which I remind her about all the time, as she and Dad seem to have a different idea of what “sad” means than I do. Sure, the death of a loved one is sad, but so is not being able to have candy when you want it.

I collect quarters from different states. I love my dog, Rosie. I like cheese. Did I mention that already?

Dou-ble Di-gits!

That’s right, peeps, I’m 10. Technically, I’ve been 10 for about 7 months now, but who’s counting? (I AM, MAMA. I AM.) Apparently, my mom’s been too “busy” to edit my annual interview in an even remotely timely manner, so here it is before I’m 20 and applying to dental/space school:

 

I’ve really grown up since the days I wanted to be a lion or a fairy, and thought farts were the funniest thing in the world. Wait, scratch that last part. In the meantime, here’s what’s been going on with me since you last heard from me.

I’ve played two seasons of soccer, one with the Bobcats where we finished first in the league, and one with the Tigers where we came in last-ish. I had a blast both times.

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I think I’m pretty good, or at least I look like I am, thanks to my cousin Ryan, semi-pro photographer.

George and I have been playing hockey every Saturday. We spend most of our time fighting on the ice. I can’t wait until we learn how to check.

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I help him secure his helmet so I can ring his bell guilt-free on the ice.

I got to go to Florida to visit my grandparents, Oma & Oma, and again to visit my adopted grandma, Grammy Lynn. We discovered kids’ rosé in Florida so now I can be just like Mom.

 

We also got to watch my cousin Cassidy graduate from college.

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Does my cousin look like Daenerys Targaryen? Sure, but she’s way more badass, I assure you.

Some lady named Oprah spoke at her graduation ceremony and Mama was all, “OMGGGGGG,” but I’m pretty sure this Oprah chick wasn’t in any of the Descendants movies nor is married to a Jo Bro, so whatever.

And as the pièce de résistance, which I believe is French for “Greek piece of resistance” is that I got to go on my first overseas trip this year when we went to Greece. I tried octopus (didn’t like) and fried cheese (very much like) and learned to say please and thank you in Greek.

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I also went to my very first wedding (not mine, obvi) while in Greece.

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Mom says to always wear a fascinator to a wedding. #lifelessons

While I didn’t spend as much time on ending slavery this year, I did start PEP (the Panda Extinction Project) at my after-school program.

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BTW, we’re ANTI panda extinction, in case there’s any confusion.

I’ve been really into fashion, science, and reading this year. I walked in a runway show (unofficially), made my own robotic grabber hand, and read a ton of books. My favorite authors are Reina Talgameier, JK Rowling, and Rick Riordan.

 

I’ve been really into both cooking and baking. I’ve been feeling pretty confident about my cooking skills ever since I beat my mom in a tofu & rice cook off. (Big thanks to the totally impartial judges, Dad and George.) As for baking, I just like that you get to eat what you make. Activity + built in snack = win/win.

 

I keep trying to get my parents to fund my business, Sweet Tooth Bakery, but so far, it’s a no-go. I helped frost one of my birthday cakes and baked the other one all by myself. (Venture capitalists, please see photos below and contact me with any offers.)

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A Hazel O’Rourke original

 

Overall, life is pretty, pretty, pretty good. An 8 3/4 out of 10 to be exact.

 

Until my next post, when I’m around 11 3/4 years old if my estimates are accurate,

Hazy (Bert)