Why did you put me in a t-shirt that says, “I do my own stunts” if you’re gonna freak out every time I do my own stunt?
– Duke
Sigh.
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Monthly Archives: May 2013
Special advice for Miss Dussia-Elliott (but it might help you, too)
Dear Miss Dussia-Elliott,
We heard from the Twitter that you were miserable (or “les miz” as Mama calls it). We’ve been pretty miserable at times too. Don’t even get us started on the time we had to LET GO OF THE TOY WE WERE PLAYING WITH IN A TIMELY FASHION. Here are a few things that cheer us up. Hope you can do at least one of these (the cotton candy one!).
xoxo,
Bert & Duke
Getting a hug from a good friend
Playing your ‘monica and overaccessorizing
Picking flowers (or in this case, flower petals)
Sugar! Preferably in pink cotton candy form.
Cold sugar! Preferably with your bestie.
Making all your dreams come true of becoming a Princess Doctor.
Getting comfy in your robot jammies and letting it all hang out.
Celebrating minor accomplishments like using a spoon.
Starting a gang.
Tagging, “This shit sucks” somewhere and then posing suavely in front of it.
Does your mom force you to pose like some kind of ANTM reject during what could be precious bubble blowing and dog attacking time to do some kind of photo shoot for your grandmas? Asking for some friends.
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Things Mean Moms Do
I’m not saying Mama’s mean, just that she does some mean things. Horrible, mean things like:
Not let me wear my princess dress and bonus tutu to school
Forcing me to live in this giant mug.
And worst of all, going to Disney, my second favorite place on earth besides the Provincetown Library, without me.
But that’s okay. Because we’re doing all the things she’s doing.
Mama’s hanging out with princesses.
Duke and Dada are hanging out with a princess, too. I’m the princess, if there was any confusion.
Mama’s eating bad things.
Since Mama’s gone, we’re eating pancakes for breakfast, ice cream for lunch, and pizza for dinner.
Mama’s running around with monsters.
Me too.
You better be coming home with a lot of princess-themed items, Mama.
Bert & Duke 