Oh, Hello

It’s been a while. Quite a while. It’s me, Bert. I’ve been busy, guys. I know, I know, too busy to write on your own blog, Haze? Here’s what I’ve been up to since June 3, 2017 when you last heard from me (What? Enough with the judging.)

  • Spent another glorious summer at home with my Mom and Duke, aka George.
  • Lost a bunch of teeth. Including one that I pulled out myself so George wouldn’t be the only one who got a visit from the tooth fairy.

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    Helped this tooth “get lost,” if you know what I mean.

  • Got a bug bite that swelled up my whole face so much that my Dad couldn’t look at me without crying. He previously hadn’t cried since the Sox won the World Series in 2007 (and before that in 2004).
  • Got a dog/sister! Her name is Rosie and we are in love.

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    She annoys me way less than George does and that’s with her peeing on my rug sometimes.

  • Tackled third grade, and if you don’t remember third grade, the girls are a combination of Regina George, the pre-Torrance cheer captain from Bring It On, and the Heathers.

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    Fortunately, I didn’t have to murder anyone.

  • Went to my first concert (Katy Perry) and my second (Taylor Swift). I haven’t taken sides on their feud yet.
  • Discovered Elvis. Don’t think Dad will be able to get us tickets though.
  • Got super into Harry Potter.

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    Costumus awesomus, am I right?

  • Won a spelling bee, NBD.
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W-I-N-N-E-R

  • Threw myself into soccer. The JP Lynx could best be described as un-undefeated.
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But we did it in style.

  • Learned to snowboard with Duke.
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Or at least learned to look like snowboarders.

  • Marched in my first (anti gun violence) and second (anti family separation) protest march. 

    And a whole lot of other stuff, like advanced level math, writing two books (look out for the Lonely Book in bookstores in the toy pit), trying to put George in his place, and opening up several pop up restaurants and toy stores within Jamaica Plain (mostly specifically in my house).

 

So without further ado, and even though I’m practically 9 1/2, here’s my 6th (!) annual interview with mom:

 

I think you’ll see I’ve grown up quite a bit since I wanted to be a worm.

Remember to work on being happy and to end slavery (now) –

-Bert

 

 

 

Welcome to The Show

What’s The Show, you ask? It’s a performance Duke and I put on pretty much anytime we’re in the Toy Pit for over an hour. The Show involves a lot of prep (costume design, ticket design and construction, ticket line construction, fighting over who gets to cut the tickets and who gets to give them out/collect them, announcing The Show). After our standard announcement, “Ladies & gentleman! Boys & girls of all ages!”, the actual Show usually then takes about 10 seconds, until we realize we have no actual performance prepared. But this last snow day, The Show really came together.
I think the key was having Duke run front-of-house/ticket management and also being somewhat loosy-goosy with the props. A Batman cape? Sure! A jumprope? Alright! A book? Why not? Ball? Toy dog? Pencil? Yes, yes and yes.
See for yourself:

Special thanks to our VIP guests, JD and Victoria. You were a great audience.

Also, I don’t care what Mama says, tights are totally pants.

– Bert

Bert & Duke cover band

Did you know we have a cover band? We’ll get back to you on the name. For now, we’re taking suggestions in the comments section.

Here we are warming up:

We perform mostly Disney songs, pop songs, and classics like Cherry Bomb and Brass Monkey. Occasionally/every day, we also sing reggae, specifically Bob Marley. Here’s a taste for ya.

Now technically, this is a kids’ song, but we think Steven (of “Sweet Emotion” fame) could definitely make this into a rock song:

This is kind of a kids’ song because Miley sings it and she’s a kid, and also because it has kiddie lyrics like “la di da di”:

We’ll let you know when our album drops.

– Bert & Duke

Bert & Duke: 2013 The Year in Review

Guys,

2013 was a pretty good year. Bert turned 4 with a bouncy house gala and Duke turned 2 in seersucker no less. Here are some of the highlights:

• We survived Hurricane Nemo in February! Bert thought it was fun; Duke did not.

• Also in February, the groundbreaking Ask Hazy Show premiered. Viewers have called it “cute” and “hilarious”, and frankly, are somewhat patronizing. (There are now 11 episodes!)

• Of course, then Duke tried to copy me with the Ask George show, which debuted to dismal ratings. [Duke’s note: we never gave it a chance to catch on with fans!]

• We realized we’re best friends!

• Duke revealed he’s got made skills with the sticks.

• We had our first Very Special Episode of the Ask Hazy show for my friend Sienna.

• We taught kids everywhere how to make life more interesting for their parents. You’re welcome, parents.

• We realized that with our modeling skills, we shouldn’t be getting out of bed for anything less than $10,000 or at least, like, 10 M&M’s.

• We gave some tips for cheering up Miss Dussia-Elliot or people with simpler names.

• We taught a class on dominating musica class.

• Everyone learned, don’t take Bert’s fork.

• We celebrated the best dad (around). Spoiler alert: it’s ours.

• We mourned the loss of a friend fart cushion.

• Bert reminisced to a simpler time, before Duke (!).

• Bert reached semi-international fame, thanks to mommyshorts.

• Duke tried (and failed) with another show. [Duke’s note: Come on!]

• We had a special guest star on the show. And by “the show”, obviously we mean Ask Hazy. [Duke’s note: no, we don’t!]

• Duke explained the deal with the bibs.

• Something beyond horrible happened to Bert.

Santa came! He failed to bring Halloween shoes or a real robot though.

Happy New Year!

– Bert & Duke

Ask Hazy Episode 8: On Cheese & Its Potential Depression

Guys, we’re back on track with Episode 8. This episode’s question came from friend of the show, Anne A, and concerns a subject that’s very, very, very important to me and Duke: cheese. Duke and I eat three kinds of cheese: American, string, and Opa (which you may call “cheddar”). Sometimes I ask Mama if we can have cheese & crackers, but guess what? I never eat the crackers. What’s the point? They’re not cheese. If you so much as mention the word cheese, you better have some on your person or Duke will cut you. And I’ll be the one handing him the knife. Anyway, I digress.
Anne A asks, “Do you think cheese ever gets sad and wants to get left alone?”. I think you’ll see from my response that I feel pretty strongly about this issue.

What else would you like to ask me, about cheese or other things? Ask in the comments section please.
-Bert

Typical Morning

Check it!

Check it!


I’m reviewing this important document about checks, telling Mama which ones are my favorite and which ones have Cinderella and how I want to bring it to Show & Tell. – Bert

I’m fascinated by whatever that is that Haha has. Also, I’m yelling, “cheeries!” like there’s a fire and cheeries are 9-1-1 until Dada brings me more cheeries (you know, the fruit with the stems and the pits that your parents cut out). – Duke